I wish I were a swimmer. I wish the current wasn’t quite so fast or water quite so cold. I wish that I could see through all the silt eroded from the shore to make the river cloudy and my footing on the banks right here a little less secure. I want to build a vessel. I want to make a raft to cross where bridges cannot span. I want to use the ancient roots of trees that drink this river and I’ll tie them all together with the vines that stretch like nets across the waves to pantomime a firmer place to stand. I hope to hold my breath and dive. I long to feel the frigid shock of water clutch my lungs. I’m greedy for the angst that wells up deeply from a darker place inside me when the air is nearly spent and somewhere close to suffocation there’s an ecstacy that breathing shuns. I’ll ask for peace in drowning. I’ll beg the deepest breath of river I can gasp. I’ll trade away the wait for dryer seasons to make drought so I can walk across with ease and in its stead I’ll make a tidal wave my conduit to life I haven’t lived because I’ve been so parched and dry here as water edges past.

#rowenacrest #oregon

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